How To Get Guys To Like You

I realized something important this week about how men think and act. It’s that men who pay attention and think about the feelings they have, why they have them, what they mean and how to talk about them are RARE. And it’s even more unique and special for a man to pay attention to his feelings in relationships with women and to be able to talk openly about them. So like everyone else, I like to think that I’m special. But am I really different than other men? Here’s what I want to talk to you about-

Why can’t men talk about their feelings?

It’s like they’re helpless morons when it comes to knowing and sharing how they feel with you. And why do men react so weird when you want to talk about things like issues, emotions, relationships, commitment, marriage?  The answer is pretty fascinating but has more than one simple dimension to it.

Let me ask you…Have you ever asked a man how he feels about you or your situation and then he starts acting all freaked out?  He turns into a deer in headlights.Or even worse, he starts getting angry and frustrated and turns the conversation back on you with unrelated problems or issues.  Well, you’ve run into the BRICK WALL guys have with relationship communication. And guess what? It’s YOUR fault! Yep, I’m not letting you shift the blame to someone else for what matters in your life.

Here something fascinating to learn…

Men have a “SECRET BUTTON” you can push that will make communicating with them almost effortless. And if you learn what it is and how to use it you’ll be able to get at what he really thinks and feels… and teach him how to talk to and understand you. So let me take you through a situation I guarantee you’ve either been in before or you’ll be in with a man…

Let’s say your talking with a man you’re interested in and you want to take things to “the next level” but you don’t know how. And you’ve been waiting on him to talk to you or express his interest or love for a while. But he hasn’t done that, and you get a little disappointed and frustrated with things. You’ve tried being patient and talking with your friends but you’ve got to know how he feels and you need things to move forward.

So what do you do?

Well, most women build up everything they’re thinking inside until they have to let it out in one big emotional release. And guess what men see when this happens? No, they don’t see how much you care or love them and how amazing it is that you want to be with them. Somehow instead of seeing the good and the positive intentions you have, they see intense negative emotions that they can’t understand. And men get scared of emotions that are really intense or that they don’t understand. Most of all, they just aren’t used to them.

So when you share your feelings and want to know his feelings for you, he freaks out. He either becomes the “deer-in-headlights” guy or the “angry-frustrated-scared” guy.

Most women do what makes sense in this situation – they push and encourage the man to talk, to get in touch with his feelings and to share HER feelings. But men don’t see it as positive encouragement. They see it as you being “over-emotional” and pushy about the issue. When you resist or react negatively in any conversation, everything becomes more difficult.

And the WORST mistakes you can make here with a man I call the 4 Deadly Sins:

• Assuming – that he knows what you want or expect
• Begging – for him to “give you” what you want
• Convincing – trying to make him feel the way you do
• Bullying – bullying him into your way of thinking or feeling.

You will never have any long term success with a man if you keep doing these. You’ll be beating yourself against the “BRICK WALL”. So what’s the “SECRET BUTTON”? Here’s the 5 basic steps I’ve recognized that you can use to push his “secret button”.

Step 1) The Primer

This is a the “starter” for the conversation that will build an entirely positive context – and it might seem like something you could skip, but it’s actually the most important step. It might be something like starting off talking with positive comments about the time you’ve been spending together and some of the great times you’ve had. The idea is ALL about setting the right context so a guy becomes positive, comfortable and opens up.

Step 2) Casual Introduction

This is the first step into “where things are going”. Instead of springing “the talk” on him, keep talking about positives, the good things, the things you want to continue that are WORKING. If you don’t have too many of these things, think harder. You’re interested in a future with this guy for some reason, right? But don’t just compliment him. Make sure it’s about BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just about him.

Step 3) Applying With Positive Strokes

So now you’re tuning into each other a bit in the conversation and sharing thoughts about the good things you have together. Then tell him, “Hey, you know what’s great? I bet you and I see things differently, which is OK, but I love spending time with you and we have such a great time together”. Again, you’re getting into a conversation about relationships that will eventually turn to your situation, but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger any resistance or fear from the man – and this is what you’re aiming for.

Step 4) Non-situational Honesty

Step 5) Active Listening

Step 4 and 5 are a bit more complex so I’ll save them for another time.

But steps 1, 2 and 3 are a lot to work with and get you thinking. If you follow these it will blow a man away AND even better… it will create massive ATTRACTION! Yeah, imagine that. By talking about serious relationship “stuff” you won’t scare a guy off. No, you’ll actually make his attraction for you STRONGER. How?  Well, men secretly wish that they had women that they felt completely open and comfortable with to share their feelings, thoughts and desires on subjects they usually have a hard time with. It feels REALLY good to talk about things, especially if they’ve been bottled up! When you push the button for a man, he experiences a kind of open and honest communication “release”. And the more intense the topic or issue is, the more amazing and “freeing” the experience is.

For men, there’s nothing tougher and more foreign than getting really in touch with their emotions and sharing them with someone. When you’re then one to do this, men almost can’t believe it. They instantly see you as someone unique, rare, and “cool”. And when you can talk about tough issues in a way that makes them easy and fun and you have the right amount or “detachment” from the outcome, it makes men EXTREMELY attracted to you.

So what exactly are these 5 detailed steps to push a man’s communication button? I talk about each step in detail, exactly what to do, and the common mistakes to avoid in my eBook: “Catch Him And Keep Him”

You can check out all the details here: Catch Him & Keep Him

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say. Well, not always the case.

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” … but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire. It’s going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”. The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

• Once a man feels it, YOU’RE DONE. It’s over. It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
• Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off or even disappear.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”? And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels? Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless.But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable. You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…You can’t “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he’ll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way. They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it, because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION. I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy. In their minds, it goes like this:

• Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE. If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

• He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem. The first answer, is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

• DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
• Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter…
• Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.
• Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.
• And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response. As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN. Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow….Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that?

• One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
• One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
• One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill? I thought you’d never ask…Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you. But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship. In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about. The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language. The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them. And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

• You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.
• And you don’t have to be LUCKY.
• What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants. But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren’t “obvious”, at all. In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook. It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets. Go here to check it out. Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

- By Christian Carter

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with. When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why. In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

So how to get guys to like you? Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE. I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her. No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

• A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”
• Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction – “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
• Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”
• But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right? Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other – if you want to be great friends. And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you. Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here? Good. So instead, find a way to keep him guessing…

• Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him. (And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)
• For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”
• And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch. And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

- By Christian Carter of CATCH HIM AND KEEP HIM

Stay tuned for articles on how you can attract the man of your dreams!